A Way to Forget

Okay, so Kim couldn't help but to chuckle at that one. "Angels may come after you, but demons want me on their side because I'm just so damn tempting. You know how many straight guys I turned gay with my awesomeness?" Of course, that was a joke. Kim didn't generally go after straight men. Mostly because it was too much of a hassle. "Pfft, please. How many ordinary mechanics you know that could make the things I've made? I practically brought the Gears up from the ground," he bragged, waving his hand lightly as he spoke. He was speaking specifically in past tense. He didn't want to think about the things he could no longer do, or else he'd get depressed again.

Felix raised a brow as Kim spoke. "So you're a manwhore,"he said with a snicker. "Nice." He couldn't wipe the grin from his face. "And a bragger too. Never have I ever heard someone say they practically made the village through their talents. You're fairly confident aren't you?" Felix shook his head and then sat up. "I won't lie though. You're pretty damn good at what you do."

"Oi oi, no one said that. Now you're just making assumptions," Kim huffed. Taking a breath, he laid back and crossed his arms behind his head, his legs still dangling over the side of the cliff. He wondered what he'd do later when he got home. Maybe he'd try and write Suki and Felix one last song. He didn't know for sure if it would be his last, but today...well, there had been a lot of moments today where he'd thought he might not have many more. "Well it's true. Plenty of traders come through just to buy my things. It's made the Gears huge, despite how isolated we are," he said with a smile. "I have every reason to be confident." Okay, that was being arrogant now, though. He was quiet for a moment when Felix said that he was actually really good at what he did. It took a lot of willpower for Kim not to add 'used to be, anyways'. Instead he gave a quiet "thanks."

Felix glanced at Kim. Whatever his friend wasn't telling him made him a bit worried. Seeing Kim turn to drugs and then question about suicide had put the silver haired male in a state of uneasiness. Felix didn't want to keep pressing it, but he was ever so tempted. "No problem, you deserve it. Even if you are a bit over confident and a bit of a manwhore." He smiled lightly. He wondered if he could get Kim to come clean. "I mean, your weapons are great and all, but are you sure those traders aren't coming for more," he asked with a raised brow. He couldn't help the chuckle that escaped.

Kim glanced at Felix as the silver haired male spoke. "I said I wasn't a manwhore..." he insisted. "It's not like I bring home every man I find." The blue haired mechanic turned his gaze back up to the sky as a strong wind blew over the area. "Tch. I don't sell that kinda thing," he said with a small chuckle. "That ain't my business." Then again, it really wasn't common for Kim to be single for long, either, even if he didn't go sleeping around. For Kim to have been single for more than two weeks like he was now was a very rare occurrence.

Felix smiled as Kim spoke. "Yeah, maybe it's every other man you find," he joked. The silver haired male shook his head slowly. "And I'm sure you don't sell that kind of stuff. In fact I'd be fairly surprised if you did. I think you like to play hard to get, but I don't know you well enough to say." He smiled lightly. "I'll have to ask Suki about your love life." He then pushed himself up and stood with a stretch. "Then again, it 'ain't my business' either." He said with a small laugh.

Kim rolled his eyes at Felix's teasing and joking. He wondered if other people actually did think of him that way. While he was popular and well known around the Gears, he wasn't personal friends with all the people who knew his name and who he knew. Like that ass that sold him ammunition, for instance. "Glad you don't think that. I'd be fairly offended if you did," he joked. He gave a small smile and a shrug when Felix said he thought he'd be one to play hard-to-get. A smile was all he could manage at the moment. Grinning seemed too...impossible. He glanced at the silver haired man when he stood up. "Pff, you know what I meant."

"Yeah, I know what you mean Kim." He turned away from the edge and started walking back towards the village. "I'm going back to the village," he said with a wave. "I'll see you later." Or rather he'd talk to him when the guy had gotten enough air to think rationally and try to get some help. Whatever the case, Felix was going to leave Kim to his business. When his friend was ready, he'd be there. "I'll be at my house if you want to hang. If you don't find me there I'll be at Suki's shop."

When Felix said he was going back to the village, Kim almost asked him to stay a bit longer, but stopped himself. Felix wasting his time here wouldn't change much. Kim still felt the same way he had when Felix had followed him here. "Mkay. I'll see you later Fe."

Once Felix left, Kim gave a sigh and sat up, looking once more over the edge of the cliff. After a long while he stood up, but again looked down. No, he wasn't going to jump right now. He had some things to take care of first. Who knew if he'd still want to jump then. By the time Kim had started back to his house, the sun had started setting. He could have stayed up on the cliff and watched the sunset, but he'd chosen not to. There was no specific reason behind it other than it was getting chilly outside. When he'd gotten home, the only thing he did was shower and then go straight to bed. Even during his shower, he felt completely drained of all energy, so he'd only stood there in the hot water for twenty minutes.

The next day Kim woke up fairly late, at about 1pm, and didn't bother eating, only brushing his hands through his hair rather than using a comb. The first thing he did was pull out blank music sheets and a pencil and sat on the couch. One leg crossed over the other, he started trying to write a song by imagining what the notes would sound like together when played, since he couldn't actually play an instrument himself anymore. The only things he could come up with were slow songs because of how depressed the thought of not being able to play was making him.

Felix didn't tell Suki about Kim, instead he just went home and went to sleep. He'd ended up sleeping until the next day and waking up early in the morning to go swim. Afterwards he went to eat lunch with Suki and finally went to go visit Kim. He knocked on the door and waited quietly. His hands tucked into his pockets as usual since he no longer wore his jacket. He'd wanted to change things up, but considering the scares on his wrist, he should have kept his jacket, since bandages were hard to keep clean and consistent.

By the time there was a knock on his door, there were crumbled up music sheets littering the ground. Kim was still in his blue checkered pajama pants with a loose t-shirt, since he'd never bothered changing out of them. He'd become even more depressed by this time, because each and every time he tried to write the song, his hands were shaking so much that all that really came out were not notes, but scribbled lines. He couldn't even draw a circle on the correct line. On some of the papers, a large pencil mark streaked across the page from his hand jerking while he was trying to write. Kim threw the sheets to the side as well as the pencil and held his head in his hands. "Hold on," he called, his voice cracking slightly. Kim wasn't one to cry. Anyone who knew him would attest to that. The last time he'd cried, he'd been fifteen years old. That was seven years ago. But now was different. Now he felt like completely and utterly breaking down into a mess of tears. Kim slowly stood up and looked around at the living room. It was a mess. He knelt down and started picking up the papers that weren't crumpled, placing them in a messy pile on the glass table in front of the couch. He picked up the paper balls and tossed them carelessly into the kitchen, just so they would be out of direct sight. Going over to the door, Kim unlocked it and leaned lightly against the door, blinking when he saw Felix. "Oh...hey," he said lightly. While Kim didn't look like he'd been crying, there was no denying how tired he looked. Even though he'd woken up only a little while earlier, he felt completely exhausted. "What's up?"

"Hey," he greeted when the musician opened the door. "You look tired. I just stopped by to see if you wanted to hang out is all. I'm a bit bored." He shrugged and looked the guy over. "On the other hand you should probably go back to sleep, didn't mean to wake you," he said lightly. He stepped nack and then gave a small wave. "Catch ya later?"

Kim shook his head. "Nah, I wasn't sleepin. I've just been a bit more tired than usual is all. We can hang out for a bit if you want, I don't mind," he said, moving aside for Felix to come in. "Though...I should probably get dressed," he mumbled, looking down at himself as if he'd only just realized that he was still in his bedwear.

Felix nodded and moved to go inside when Kim let him in. "If you're tired you should rest up a bit more," he said with a nod. "I can wait," he said with a soft smile. It still felt new, no many how many times he did it. He looked at the table as he sat on the couch. "What's all this," he asked tilting his head. "Writing letters or music," he asked curiously. "If you're writing letters, do yourself a favor and not write one to me. It's a waste of led or ink, whichever you prefer." He looked up to Kim. After the letter he got from Kymin, Felix refused to read letters. He didn't care who they came from. Yeah, he still hadn't gotten over that.

"Nah. I'm not sure I could fall asleep if I wanted to," he shrugged. Because if I don't wake up, it means I'll have not been able to say good bye properly... Going over next to Felix, Kim sat on the couch as well. "Music." He looked at the silver haired male. "Not a fan of letters?" he asked casually.

Felix nodded in understanding. Restless but not tired. He remembered those days. He swear he was probably one of few people that could claim to have experienced every emotion in the book, or feeling. Tired, bored, lonely, restless, anxious, guilty. Whatever the case, he never wanted to feel guilty again. It was something that made him feel like less of a person. Guilt could eat away at you forever, especially if the person you felt guilty about would probably never be able to forgive you. Felix clenched his jaw and then looked to ground to distract himself. "Something like that," he told Kim quietly. "What kind of music ya writing?"

"I dunno. Whatever comes to mind, I guess," he shrugged. Kim really hoped that Felix didn't notice there were absolutely no instruments at all in the room. Maybe the guy would just assume that he'd been imagining the music. Exactly like he had been, actually. He didn't want to mention to Felix that he could no longer play either. "Hey, you want something to drink?" he asked, suddenly remembering his manners.

Felix was staring at the paper curiously. Whatever came to mind? He guessed that was an okay answer. "Let me know when you actually finish," he mumbled lightly. Felix turned his icy blue eyes back toward Kim. "Um, water, orange juice, punch, or alcohol." He smiled. "Whatever you see first I suppose.".He really wasn't in the mood for drinking. He was just teasing Kim. "I'll take water."

"You'll know when I finish them," Kim told Felix lightly. That sounded bad, when he thought about it. "I meant...I'll let you know when I finish them." He didn't really want Felix thinking he was still suicidal, even though that was what all these papers were about. He gave a small chuckle at Felix's teasing. It was entirely half-hearted, but he still smiled lightly afterwards. "Nope, I learned my lesson. I won't be serving you alcohol in my house anymore," he joked lightly. "Water it is," he said, standing up. "Be right back." Going into the kitchen, Kim glanced at the papers on the floor before shaking his head and going over to the cupboards to get a glass for Felix. After pouring some water, Kim decided to get himself a glass too, pouring apple juice into it. The amber liquid actually looked a lot like scotch or rum, but Kim didn't quite care, because it was neither of those things. Not like it would matter if it was, considering he couldn't get drunk. Coming back into the living room, Kim handed Felix his glass and then sat down again next to the silver haired male, taking a drink of the juice in the glass.

Felix looked at Kim for a long moment when he spoke. "Okay...." He turned away as the guy disappeared into the kitchen. "You know, you should really remember that you let me come on to you. Besides, you like it," he teased. "Maybe if I didn't know Suki I would consider it," he spoke quietly. "Maybe." The silver haired male then turned his gaze to Kim as the guy handed him a glass of water. "Thanks." He raised his brow when he saw the other glass that Kim was holding. He smiled, he knew it was apple juice. "Have you eaten?"

"Your memories got skewed by the alcohol. I was just showin you my manga, and you started gettin reeeaal comfy once you realized where we were," he joked. Kim remembered that, although he knew that wasn't how it'd happened. "No comment," he teased, when Felix said he'd liked it. He wouldn't lie. That moment between the two of them had been exhilerating. "No problem." He took another drink. "Nope. Anyways, what have you been up to?" Of course he hadn't eaten. He didn't have an appetite at all. If he ate anything, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep it down. Even worse than that, he was kinda afraid the food wwould miss his mouth if his hands started shaking. He wasn't old, but something like that would make him feel like he was. He didn't want to think that he couldn't. Take care of himself. It was a horrifying thought.

Felix smiled lightly when Kim said no comment. "You're no fun," Felix commented with a slight grin. "Anyway, I don't remember it happening that way, but if that makes you feel better I shall let it slid." He finished his glass of water and then moved to place it on the table. "I haven't done much. Just sitting around doing nothing mostly." He shrugged and sat back. "I think that we should go get something to eat. I'm hungry." He'd just had lunch, but that was more of an appetizer than lunch to him.

"I'm all kinds of fun," Kim said, patting Felix on the head just because. "You'll let it slide because you know that's exactly what happened," he nodded, sipping his juice. "Thought any more about becoming a ninja again?" he asked. The mechanic was quiet for a moment when Felix said they should go get something to eat. "I'm not really hungry, but if you are, I'm fine with tagging along," he said with a shrug.

"I'm not hungry, just figured you might want a free meal." He smiled. "I had lunch with Suki." He then leaned back after Kim petted his head. "You're in fact fun," he said with a grin. "I don't think I'm going to become a ninja though." He shrugged. "I'll get lost in it."

Kim raised an eyebrow. "You just said you were. Were you just trying to coax me into having lunch with you?" He was just teasing of course, and smiled lightly when Felix actually allowed him to pet him. The brown eyed mechanic tilted his head when the silver haired male said he'd only get lost in it if he became a ninja again. "By that you mean...like forget what's important to you..?" he asked quietly. "I take it that's happened before?"