My Last Love...Was Death

Felix pulled himself from the water, the deafening cheers of the onlookers and his teammates bringing a smile to his face. That was one more gold medal for their team. Roulette High was quickly racking up medals, and Felix was putting in a hundred and ten percent to ensure they stayed at the top. Taking the towel that was offered to him, he headed for the bleachers. Roman was up next and he wanted to watch his friend dominate the competition before he headed for the locker room to rest up a bit. "You got this," he told the mixed haired male as he walked past him. They exchanged a brief grin. As expected, Roman came in first for his meet.

Felix retired to the locker room while everyone else talked about the possibilities for lunch. He didn't have much of an appetite, so he'd told them that whatever they chose was fine with him. Thankfully Vin didn't make a big deal about it. Felix wasn't up for arguing with the guy. To be honest, he wasn't feeling all that hot. Laying down sounded like a good idea. Upon making it to the locker room, Felix changed out of his swim trunks and into their jogging uniform. He shut the locker he'd been using for the swim competition and looked around. The room was empty, so he occupied himself a bench and laid on his side. Yeah, some sleep would do him some good.

It felt like he'd barely closed his eyes before someone was giving him a push to wake him up. "Felix, wake up. Dude, your next meet is in ten minutes."

Felix recognized the voice as Max. "I'm up."

"Good, because Vin is pitching a fit." Max helped him to his feet. "You missed lunch too. Roman saved you some food in case you were hungry afterward though. We're aware of how the fish likes apples," he teased.

"Thanks." An apple was about all he could stomach if he were being honest. Felix had been eating less and less over the past few weeks. He could barely manage to keep down a full course meal, but apples were always a treat. Roman and Max had taken it as a joke, teasing him about trying to stay slim so he could glide through the water. He'd told them he'd been eating when they weren't around to steal his food like vultures, but that had been a lie. He didn't want them to worry. He didn't want anyone to worry.

~~~

Felix walked towards the swimming pool, his blue gaze looking to the right when someone bumped into him. He almost wished he hadn't bothered acknowledging the person.

"Gil."

"Hey Felix. I've been looking for you since the competition started. Guess there's a lot more people here than I realized." Gil was an inch taller than Felix with short blond hair and dark green eyes. "I just wanted to say good luck. We're finally going to compete today. May the best swimmer win."

Felix had some strong mixed feelings, and a slew of choice words, but instead he faced forward and nodded. "Yeah, same to you." He moved away without another word. He didn't want to talk to Gil. They had history, and he had a swim meet to focus on.

~~~

Standing on the edge of the pool, he lowered himself into a crouch. The sound of the gun going off was his cue to hit the water. Felix dove in, surfacing moments later and taking a well paced lead. It was just him and the water. Everyone around him faded out. He couldn’t hear a thing. He had one goal: win. Felix curled into a ball as he reached the opposite end, kicking off the wall he started back towards where he'd come from. He glided through the water with ease, ignoring the sudden ache in his chest. He pushed on, the water splashing against his face. Almost there. The pain was getting worse. He took advantage of the lead he had and took in a gasp for air, but it only resulted in a coughing fit. He couldn't afford to stop, not when he was almost back to the start. Felix kept swimming, slowing bit by bit, his vision blurring. Maybe he should have eaten something. He was a quarter of the way to the end point when he gave a sputtering cough and everything went black.

Somewhere in the distance, he could hear people calling his name. He wasn't sure what was going on, not even when a flashlight was shined in his eyes. He frowned and tried to wave them away. "I'm fine," he muttered. For a brief moment he couldn't hear himself and then the sound flooded in. Felix sat up slowly, looking around to see his teammates staring back at him. Their concerned faces left him worried.  "What happened?"

Gil was next to him. "I had to pull you out of the water. I was right behind you when you suddenly stopped," he began slowly. "You went under and there was blood everywhere. They've called an ambulance. Your parents are on their way out of the stands. Are you sure you're okay?" 

The silver haired male took it in slowly. "Yes," he answered because if he said no, they'd look even more worried and he didn't want that. He looked down as he felt something warm dropping onto his skin.

"Your nose is bleeding," Gil said, handing him a towel. He lowered his voice. "Are you sick again?"

Felix took the towel but didn't answer. God he didn't want to do this again.

~~~

"The cancer is no longer in remission. It's more aggressive than his records previously show and it's spread to his lungs…."

Felix looked between his mother, father, and the doctor, but that little bit of information was all he needed to hear. He'd known the cancer was back when the nosebleeds had started back up, followed by his lack of appetite, along with a few other signs. It wouldn't be the first time it had reared it's ugly head again. Maybe it was the part about it being in his lungs that made everything else being said sound distant.


Felix knew what would happen next. His mother would make arrangements for him to return to Romania per usual. He would have to say goodbye to all of his friends and then he and his father would fly to Romania and stay there until the cancer was gone again. It was never really gone. It was always going to be there. He'd done all the surgery and chemo, but nothing worked. It kept coming back, again and again. He was tired of it. It was why he'd never really made plans for what to do after high school. Kind of pointless when you probably wouldn't live past your eighteenth birthday.

He tuned back in to hear them talking about treatment options. Felix sat back, his blue eyes dull. "Do I get a say in any of this?"

All three adults turned to look at him. His mother spoke first. "Felix, you just need to rest. I know this is a scary tim-"

"It's not scary. This is the third time this has happened. I know the drill, but I'm older now. I understand my options, and I'm tired of uprooting my life." He looked down at the sheets. "I know you're scared, but honestly, I just want to live like a normal teenage kid." He'd made so many friends in the past two years at Roulette. Recha and Kim, Max and Roman, Kin and Ellie. Felix didn't want to say goodbye to everyone. He didn't want to start all over.

"Fe," he Mom started, her eyes filling with tears. "I know you're tired sweetheart, but this is for the best. We're going to get you better and then you can come back to Roulette. You won't have to start over. Well figure this out. We always do."

He told himself not to get aggravated. This wasn't her fault. "I'm not leaving. I would rather get treatment here and stay at school." He knew it would be hard. He knew there would be days where he'd be too exhausted to get up to go to class, or nights where he didn't sleep because he was hugging a trashcan in the bathroom, or that he wouldn't be able to focus in class, or that there would have to be special arrangements made, that he'd have to stop swimming, or that his appetite would get even worse, or that he was going to lose his hair all over again, or that he would have to explain to his friends what was really happening, and that there would be days where he cried in silence because he was in pain and didn't want to burden anyone. Yes. It wouldn't be easy. He'd never gone to school and done treatment at the same time, but he didn't want to be stuck at home all day. He didn't want to move to another country for however long it took to get well.

His father was looking at him with a blank expression, while his mother was looking horrified. The argument broke out a few moments later with his mother expressing her concerns about how he was acting like a child and being ridiculous, but he knew she was afraid of losing her only child. His father had taken his side, explaining how he was old enough to make a decision for himself and that the doctors here were just as good as the ones in Romania and that he should be able to live the way he wanted, especially if it was on borrowed time. That should have bothered Felix, but the cancer was no longer in his brain, but his lungs. It was aggressive, and they were looking at a year max. That should have scared him. It didn't. It just made him want to continue with school, surrounded by friends.

The doctor had put in his two cent, explaining how they were trying a new form of treatment that wouldn't put as much of a toll on him. He'd said Felix could come in three times a week for treatment and still go to school. He'd still lose his hair, appetite, and weight, but he'd be able to get through the days for the most part. He'd have a little more energy than in the previous treatments, but his immune system would still be compromised. He'd have to be careful, make sure to take his meds, and come in for whatever examines were necessary. More arguing had commenced, his mother was convinced he was signing his own death warrant, but eventually, she caved. He would continue to go to school

That was all he wanted. He could deal with all the running of tests and whatever else for the next two weeks. It would give him time to come up with a story about why he'd been hospitalized. No one at school knew, and he'd prefer to keep it that way for as long as possible. He had his reasons. One, he didn't want people to start treating him differently. Two, he didn't want to be a burden. Three, this was nothing new to him, so why change things when they were fine the way they were. Someone had once told him it was better to let the loved ones know, to give them a chance to say goodbye, but Felix wasn't quite ready to do that yet. Maybe at the end of the summer. For now he wouldn't think about it. For now he would rest.