Just Another Good-bye...

Felix would not break. No, he just could break here, not now. He was done with the waterworks. Kymin had gave him a reason to live and now he was leaving. Crap happened, he'd get over it. "I love you too." That was spoken with nothing but love despite how he was feeling, empty and alone. This was a feeling he couldn't stand, but it wouldn't last long. He'd just forget, because Kymin wasn't coming back. Felix didn't want to live in a world where Kymin didn't exist.

Kymin was silent for a few long moments after his lover spoke, his arms wrapped around Felix's waist and his head resting on the guy's shoulder with his eyes closed. He wanted to remember this. Wanted to remember how sad Felix was that he was leaving, so he had even more motivation to come back alive, so that he could make Felix happy again. "I want to tell you something," he said finally. "I've never told anyone this. Honestly, I think I was scared that people might start turning on me if I told them." Afraid that they'd start using him, was more like it. Kymin kept his head leaned against Felix's shoulder as he spoke. "I want you to remember the name Ira Vangloria, okay Fe?" He paused for a moment. "It's...sort of like a control. A long time ago, that became my soul's name. It's the only name I'll respond to no matter what." He hoped Felix understood. He wouldn't be around for a while, but when he did come back...well, if he came back a different person, then Felix could use that name. He didn't want to accidentally attack his lover.

Felix was silent for a long moment. Ira Vangloria. That was the name of his fiance's soul. What exactly did Kymin mean that he was scared people would turn on him? There was plenty of questions running through his head, none of which he wanted to ask about. Felix turned his head enough to look at Kymin. "Why would I need to know the name of your soul?" His eyes were a bit narrowed. "Why would you give me that kind of control over you? Why would you not respond to your real name?" So maybe he was going to ask those questions. He didn't want to know the answers because he was afraid Kymin would tell him something he didn't want to hear.

Kymin also stayed silent, waiting for his fiance's response to what he'd just told him. And then Felix started spouting off questions, and he remained silent until the last one. "In order," he said softly. "Just in case, because I trust you, and because that is my real name. Kymin is just the name of a body. A name I intend on keeping, sure. But my soul's went through so many different names, it..." He paused and gave a small smile. "Well, it just only truly responds to that one now." He knew he should have learned a long time ago that trusting Felix wasn't something he should take lightly. But...Kymin was foolish enough to continue trusting Felix, even if something in him protested to it.

Felix was once more silent for a good little while. His blue eyes were still narrow as he watched Kymin's face. Kymin was just a name attached to the body, not to the soul. The shinobi frowned lightly. "I....okay," he said quietly. He shook his head. "Alright." Control over Kymin was odd. They were lovers, friends, and soulmates. "I love you and I trust you, but I don't want any kind of power over you. We're equals in every way, shape, and form. I trust you not to hurt me. I trust you to recognize me. I trust you."

Kymin looked at Felix with his head tilted lightly, his green eyes solemn, and a small smile on his face. "But I want you to have that kind of control over me. Sometimes I go off Felix, you know that. Like that time...well, like that time I snapped at you. I don't want something like that to happen again. If you say that name when I get like that, I'll stop, no questions asked. I just don't want to hurt you," he said, hugging his lover tightly for only a moment before loosening the hug to something more casual. "Don't put too much faith in me, lover. Even though I don't get mad often, when I do, well, you know what happens. Like what happened with Mickey too," he said softly. Kymin ran a hand through his lover's silver hair once before turning Felix's head towards him to kiss him for a long moment. "Like I said, just in case," he whispered.

"I deserved that," Felix told Kymin after his fiance brought up how he'd snapped at him. "I talked about Kana and Lilly. I was out of line. You had all rights to get angry." Felix fell silent for a brief moment as Kymin continued. "I understand that....but you're my fiance. I should be able to trust you with my life." Felix didn't want to talk about this. It was making him depressed. He knew it wasn't that Kymin didn't trust him, it was that Kymin didn't trust himself. The silver haired male sighed. "But if that's what you want, then fine."

Kymin frowned lightly when Felix said that he'd deserved it. He hadn't deserved any of that. Sure, the black haired ninja had had a reason to get mad, pissed off, but that didn't mean that it was okay for him to attack his fiance like that. His frown deepened and his gaze saddened when Felix said he should be able to trust him with his life. That was what worried him, and he didn't think Felix understood. The fact that Felix couldn't trust Kymin with his life was what he was trying to get at here. Yeah, Kymin would go to hell and back to protect this man. He'd do anything to protect him, and what bothered him was that he couldn't protect Felix from himself, because he couldn't control himself, and he'd already snapped at the guy once. Kymin laid his head on Felix's shoulder. He was starting to feel that the water was cooling off, but he didn't care so much. He found himself staring blankly down Felix's chest until the guy sighed and spoke, pulling him from his own thoughts. "Thanks angel," he said, his arms still wrapped around Felix gently. He hated that he had to constantly think about what he was doing. He wanted to hold Felix tightly against him, to hug him, and kiss him, without that constant fear of accidentally hurting him. Right there he vowed to himself that next life he'd focus on jutsu instead of putting all his time into physical training.

Maybe Felix didn't understand what was going on with Kymin. Maybe he didn't want to understand. He loved this man more than anything in this world and now he had to know that maybe one day Kymin wouldn't stop himself from hurting him. Pain was something Felix didn't care for, both emotional and physical. It was something that happened, but all the same.... The blue eyed shinobi sighed again. "Don't thank me," he mumbled in what could have been thought of as a rather bitter tone. The shinobi wasn't mad or anything, but it hurt knowing that Kymin couldn't control himself enough not to hurt him. Felix had a temper, he knew it and would never deny it, but never would he hurt the green eyed male. When he had, it was only to protect him from things that were out of his control, but now it seemed different. Now he just felt at a loss.

The black haired male was silent at the bitter response. He wondered if Felix was mad at him. Mad that Kymin had no self control. That was probably it. "We should finish up," he said quietly. "The water's getting cold." And the movers would probably be there in thirty minutes or so. Instead of dwelling on the idea that his fiance might be mad at him, Kymin's mind wandered to what he was going to do. He needed a map. An up-to-date one. So that he could mark which villages had been destroyed. See if Batsu had a pattern. Every time Kymin imagined himself walking somewhere though, it was alone. It hadn't been that way since he'd met Felix again. He'd used to be able to imagine the two of them going everywhere together. He almost started tearing up. He didn't want to leave Felix. Didn't want to know he might never see the other male again. Didn't want to know that Felix might wait up for him, even though he might not make it out alive. Kymin clenched his jaw lightly, and decided right then and there that he really needed a smoke. However, he remembered that Felix couldn't exactly walk on his own, so he'd have to stay near and somewhere he could hear his silver haired lover. Slipping out from behind Felix, he kissed his lover once on the cheek before grabbing a towel and getting out of the tub to start drying himself off.

Felix remained silent even after Kymin spoke. He simply nodded and slowly finished washing up. He said nothing as his fiance got out of the tub. Instead he just sat there, staring down at his reflection in the water, mentally tracing all the marks on his chest. The mark hadn't spread anymore, but he knew it was going to eventually happen. Kyla had to go or else he would never be at peace and neither would Serenity. Felix closed his eyes, he missed her. He wanted to hold her in his arms and let her know how sorry he was for all the pain he'd caused her. The shinobi shook his head lightly. Why do we continue to fight the inevitable? Standing up, Felix climbed out of the shower and grabbed his own towel and left the bathroom without the help of Kymin. Right now, his sadness was turning into anger. Anger that he couldn't just have a lifetime's worth of happiness, angry that he couldn't find peace, angry that he couldn't stop Kyla or Batsu. Angry that everything was falling apart. And most of all, he was angry that he was losing the fight for his fiance.

Kymin swallowed lightly when he realized Felix wasn't saying anything. Not a word, or a mumble, or even a noise of irritation. And then the silver haired male just left the bathroom. Would their last few hours together be spent in silence? Would they end up getting into an argument over everything that was happening? Kymin fidgeted with his towel for a moment before he finished drying himself off and hanging the towel to dry. Going into the bedroom, he pulled on a pair of boxers and black shorts, and then a white shirt, which he didn't bother buttoning up. He glanced at Felix for a moment before speaking. "I'm gonna take Vishnu out front for a couple minutes," he said softly. He waited a couple seconds with his gaze on his fiance before grabbing his cigarettes and lighter off the nightstand and heading out to the porch after calling Vishnu. Before he even sat down on the top step, he had a cigarette lit and took a long drag from it. See, now he was depressed as hell. All he could think was that he was leaving Felix, and he'd made it worse by telling his lover just how little control he had of himself. Control. Control... He thought, silently looking at his cigarette. "I should quit smoking," he mumbled with a sigh.

Felix was hurting, but there was no reason for him to act this way to Kymin. If anyone should have better control it was himself. He should be in control of his emotions by now. Sighing a bit he got up slowly from the bed after Kymin had left the room and dressed himself. "I should just get over it." It was the best thing to do anyway. He was supposed to be supporting Kymin, not throwing him aside and watching him drown in misery. Dressing in shorts and a long sleeved shirt he left for outside. "Ky, I'm sorry for the way I'm acting. I'm not mad at you, just at myself...."

Kymin glanced at Felix when he came out onto the porch, but then looked back towards the puppy who was trotting and sniffing around the yard without a care. "Sweetheart, you really don't have a reason to be mad at yourself, do you? Nothing that's happening is any of your fault," he said softly, closing his eyes as he took another long inhale. He wasn't sure he'd be able to stop smoking. Even if he'd been a normal person with decent self control, it would've been difficult, but Kymin was neither of those things. He was impulsive and careless. So really, trying to quit smoking to increase his self control would be a waste of time. The black haired male glanced over to his fiance, patting the steps next to him. He momentarily forgot that it would be a pain for Felix to sit. He was too busy trying to keep his mind from wandering in five directions at once. Should he try to quit smoking? Why was Felix mad? Was Vishnu going to run off down the street if he didn't pay attention? How would he find Batsu? How would he go about convincing Batsu not to kill him?

Felix felt like shit, but he sat down anyway. He smiled lightly and shook his head. "A lot of stuff is my fault. More than you know and understand. Batsu may not be my fault, but what happened to Kana is and so is Serenity. I should have never unleashed the Blue Demon and I should never have abandoned Serenity. It's not fair that I withstood the pain for you but not her. I have to right these wrongs, but I don't know how. Kana doesn't remember her name and Serenity could be anywhere!" He sighed heavily. "I guess we've both got a lot of buisness to handle."

Kymin leaned himself lightly against his silver haired soulmate once the guy sat down. At least he knew Felix wasn't mad at him. But he didn't know about how Felix was involved in Kana losing her memory. Maybe something had happened after his last death. But then he thought, what if Kana blamed Felix for him dying? He didn't want that. "Serenity shouldn't be that hard to find though, right? Just ask around and see if any rich old ladies have moved into the village lately," he joked softly, hoping to at least get a smile out of Felix. He hoped the guy wouldn't find the joke offensive, because the last time he'd seen the healer a couple weeks ago, she'd been very pretty. He nodded at Felix's assertion that they each had a lot of business. "And once everything's all taken care of, we can hopefully live in peace for a while. Knock on wood," he smiled, taking another drag of his cigarette as he playfully knocked on the porch. They couldn't afford any jinxes at this point in the game.

Felix gave a small smile at Kymin's joke. "She wouldn't appreciate being called old. Especially if you really knew how old she is." The shinobi was thankful for his lover's playfulness. Kymin made him smile even when he was at his worst. "Yeah, I guess," he finally answered to Kymin's question about them coming home and being happy. Felix, despite his comfort with Kymin, knew that would never happen unless Kyla was dead. The problem was, how did one kill a witch as old as Kyla? Felix sighed, his hopes dwindling. "This is going to be very hard...for all of us." He didn't say both because they weren't the only ones being affected.

"How old she really is? How old is she? Is she older than me?" he asked incredulously, as if such a thing were blatantly impossible. Well, maybe it wasn't impossible, but he was sure that it'd be a really improbably chance that she was. He was glad to see his lover smiling, turning to take another breath out of his cigarette, only to realize he was almost done with it already. Seemed he was more stressed than he realized, even in talking with Felix. "I think...it's a rare ocassion when we can get away with something so serious, being easy," he said, glancing at his lover. "But I also think we'll make it. All of us." He didn't know who else was involved besides the four of them, Kyla, and Batsu, but...he wanted to at least believe that the good guys out of them were strong enough to make it, no matter how naive it may've sounded.

Okay, so it would be funny to see the look on Ky's face when Felix told him how old Serenity was, but that would be rude on his part. You were never to tell another person a woman's age. Beside, Felix knew Serenity would break his neck. Felix snickered. "I don't know Kymin...I think it'll be better not to tell you." he then shook his head. "I want it to be easy," he said with a sigh. "I want it to be nothing. I can't keep doing this shit Ky." The shinobi gave another sigh. "But I'll deal with it." He looked to the green eyed male. "Let's just get this over with. I want to start my life."

Kymin blinked, that same incredulous look on his face. "Oh my god. She is older than me, isn't she! Ah, I-I didn't think anyone was," he said disbelievingly. He didn't know if it was true, but between the way Felix snickered and the way he refused to say, Kymin was leaning towards the idea that it was true. If that was the case, she had to be over two thousand years old, or at least somewhere around there, since Kymin himself was somewhere around eighteen hundred! His semi-excited tone, however, died down as his lover continued speaking. He was silent for a long while after Felix said they should just get it over with. In that silence, he'd finished off his cigarette and almost immediately pulled out another one. "You know," he started, half mumbling with the cigarette in his mouth as he clicked his lighter a few times to light it. "You and me both smoke, you not as often as me, but we've never just sat down and had a cigarette together." Once he had it lit, he put his lighter in his lap and opened his pack to offer one to Felix. "Just this once?" Something about the way he'd said it made him feel like he was pleading. He wanted as many different memories of the two of them together as he could get before he left. They'd done a lot of different things by now, sure, but...what was one more anyhow?

The blue eyed shinobi said nothing more on the subject of Serenity. Mainly because it hurt to think about her. Every time he thought about the blond haired woman he felt himself wanting to cave. Everything about her just made him want to live and die in the same day. She was special to him, even if he'd never truly loved her....or maybe he did. Maybe that was why he was feeling this way. He now understood how Kymin felt. Maybe they should have just stuck with the women in their lives. Tilting his head as Kymin started talking about cigarettes, he wondered what was up with his fiance. That tone sounded odd. Felix shrugged. "Sure." He took the cigarette and lit it with his own lighter. Taking a light drag he let it fill his lungs before releasing the smoke. "Not bad."

(Why's he wonderin' what's up with Kymin? He just said 'let's just get this over with'!)

Kymin was honestly glad Felix had taken a cigarette. He idly watched his lover light the cigarette and take a drag, before breathing out a stream of smoke of his own towards the yard. He smiled when Vishnu ran up the stairs to lay on his lap. God how that made his heart ache. This little puppy, tail wagging happily, as if he didn't realize that one of his parents was about to leave. Of course, he was sure the dog didn't know. "Are we still doing lunch..?" he asked quietly, petting Vishnu and looking down at the dog rather than at Felix. He nearly flinched when he realized how tight his chest suddenly felt. Even with the cigarette it was a pain. Usually a smoke helped, and he was on his second one. He really hated his bad luck with health every life.

Felix no longer cared. This act was for the sake of Kymin. There was no such thing as happy endings. "Yeah, we're still on for lunch." The blue eyed male reached over to pet Vishnu. "Hey boy." Life was such a hassle right now. Why couldn't things go right? Why be an immortal when there was nothing to live for? The shinobi gave a small sigh. "We've got to go see Christian before you go."

Kymin sat quietly when Felix said they were still having lunch. It was only when the silver haired male mentioned Christian did the green eyes shinobi shift uncomfortably. As bad as it sounded, he didn't want to go to the orphanage. That would mean seeing Lain and Mori, and hearing Christian questioning why he had to leave. Seeing that small face look up at him sadly. Kymin's head bowed as he leaned forward slightly, an arm resting over his knee with his cigarette in hand. It was annoying to have to actively ignore that aching in his chest. "Yeah," he whispered. He didn't want to, but he would. He didn't want everyone feeling as if he'd abandoned them. It was amazing how in just a few short weeks in the Crested, he had so many people to say goodbye to. He almost felt like he should say goodbye to everyone he'd met, just in case it was really his last goodbye...

Felix looked up at the sky. "He's not going to like it, but you're coming back. So don't sulk." Felix took another drag of his cigarette. "I hope you save his soul. Batsu I mean. If you can save his soul then you'll have accomplished something bigger than life itself. That and you'll be saving a lot of lives. Innocent ones at that." He smiled. "You're going to do great," he said encouragingly.