Transfer Mission: The Blackbird's Dilemma

Kana kept her gaze out the window as Felix spoke. She only looked at him when he got up and pulled the IV out of his arm. Her eyes weren't any less bitter than they were when she'd spoken to him earlier. Okay, well...maybe a little less bitter. "Lay back down or I'm calling your girlfriend," she threatened, straightfaced. She wasn't joking. She looked back out the window. She didn't want to look at him for too long. She feared that it might cause her to stop being angry with him. She wasn't sure why she wanted to stay mad at him, she just did. "If it comes to it, I'll take on all their training. Train the genin and academy students in the morning, the jonin and ANBU on alternating nights. Shouldn't be too complicated," she said with a one sided shrug. Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best idea in her condition, but she'd get better, right? "Besides, I don't know if you heard, but the ANBU sent here plan on dropping the younger ninja altogether."

Felix froze when she threatened to call Serenity. She was so serious he actually sat back. He didn't need Serenity to be worrying over him. "You can't take them all on," he answered. "It's impossible. If the ANBU want to drop those kids then let them, but you need to focus on the Rock ANBU. I know that's probably what they told you, but they're right. I'm off the mission, I know. And your probably don't give a damn about what I have to say. But Liam is already on an indivual mission to find liable ninja. Has he given you that book? If so, there should be someone in there that can handle those kids for teh next six months." He wasn't going to add that she wouldn't need that long because he wasn't going anywhere.

(LMFAO HE FROZE)

Kana finally turned in her chair to look at him, leaning back a bit. "Felix, these kids need as much help as the ANBU do. There's a reason that they're not beign trained right, and it's because the ninja in this village don't know how to train them right." Something passed through her head though. Had Felix heard her earlier, when she called him her partner twice? She kinda hoped not, she didn't feel like explaining herself. "Yeah, he gave me the book earlier. How come you never informed me of these things?" she asked, keeping her voice as void of emotion as possible. Kana paused. Her gaze strayed to the side, and the coldness faltered a bit. "....Nevermind." Another pause. "Felix." She didn't return her gaze to him. "That day....when it attacked me...could you...could you control it?" It was a question out of the blue, but it had been plaguing her nonstop for the few hours that he'd been outcold. She had to know for sure. It wouldn't stop her from being completely livid with him, no, but it might help.

Felix sighed. "Liam's been my little helper for a while. That book of information, he just put it together and was suppose to bring it to me, but the incident kept that from happening. So I wasn't withholding information from you." He shook his head. "When I was told I was off the mission, I told him to give it to you instead. It'd be more use with you." Felix looked up as she said his name. When she continued he wished that she hadn't. He sat up slowly. His gaze on the door, but a frown had crossed his face. Did she really just ask him that? He tried to keep the bitterness, the disbelief, and any other emotion that might strike an argument out of his voice. "You think I'd intentionally tell something like that to attack my partner? Is this what this is about? You being attacked by something that I had no control over? I guess that entire attacking an ally thing with your group earlier today was about us, wasn't it. You thought I'd did it on purpose. That goes to show how much you know about me Kana. It shows a lot about how much you trust me." Felix got off the bed. "This partnership is over with. I'm going home and you've got no say in it, because that's exactly what you want." Felix slammed the door shut as he left the room. It caught the attention of some nurses who started towards him. "Leave me the hell alone before I end up sicking some uncontrollable beast upon you too!" He snapped.

(Oh damn.)

Kana cringed a bit as Felix spoke. Was he actually mad with her, or was he just trying to make her feel guilty? God how she wanted to punch herself for thinking that. He was right, she clearly didn't know much about him. When he got out of bed and walked out the room, Kana's gaze dropped again. Any anger that she'd had had been displaced with a feeling of guilt. He had told her that day that he wouldn't mind killing her. Maybe that was why she couldn't get it out of her head. Because in that short time, he really wouldn't have had a problem with killing her.

After a moment, Kana got up and started after Felix. She was in better shape than him, she could catch up. Maybe not easily, but she could catch up. "Felix," she called after him. She didn't want to start a scene in a hospital, but she didn't want to wait until they got home, because by that time, he'd have locked himself into his room. "Felix, please wait," she told him, finally catching up to him. It reminded her of the incident after the day that she'd seen him and his friend of his girlfriend's friend...that really was a lot of friends. She really didn't want to think about that right now though. She put her left hand on his shoulder to try to get him to stop, hoping that she hadn't made him mad enough to hit her for it.

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay...you," she paused. She hating saying this, because he really didn't know much about her either. "You know me better than anyone, you know that more often than not my anger blinds my logic...I wasn't..." The problem was, she didn't know how to explain it to him. He had every reason to be pissed off at her. And why was she trying to keep him from being so? Hadn't she always wanted people to be pushed away from her? Why was she making Felix out to be so much different from the rest? "Can we just...talk about this...please?" How long had it been since she'd used the word please this much? Hell if she knew.

Felix turned when she caught him by the shoulder. "Don't touch me," he said coldly. He started to walk away when she tried explaining herself. "What, you weren't thinking, yeah I know. So what, get over it because I'm over it. I'm going home, just like you wanted. Why can't you just let me go Kana?" He shook his head as he walked away. He shot a glare at an approaching nurse who had a needle in her hand. She stopped in her tracks. Felix was not going to be sedated like some wild boar on the loose.

Kana retracted her hand immediately as he turned on her and told her not to touch him. She had to keep herself from saying something she'd regret. 'You know, you didn't give me much reason to think otherwise! You yourself said that you'd have no troubles killing me, you even told me to make sure to give you a good fight before you did! And when the thing attacked me, the last thing I heard before I blacked out was you demanding the cure again! It's not exactly like you were torn up over that thing having killed me, what the hell was I supposed to think!' God she was glad that they weren't in that jutsu that read her mind or that would have thrown this whole situation into a black hole. "Because you-" she stopped. That had been what she'd started to say in response to his question. But she couldn't go there. She would not go there. He was going to have a family soon, and she could not make things anymore difficult for him. Hell, they'd already slept together! And throwing something sentimental at him when he was already so angry at her...no, she wouldn't do it.

When Kana saw the nurse she held a hand up slightly and shook her head. Let him walk out, was what her gaze was saying. How would she deal with him at home? Would he lock himself in his room? Would he even return to their apartment? If Felix, hopefully, ignored what Kana had been about to say, she planned on letting him walk out. Then she'd wait a few minutes. Then she'd head towards the Academy to get everything set up. Whether Felix liked it or not, those kids were going to be part of her training schedule. Along with the ANBU. The Jonin and Chuunin could be taken care of by the ANBU from the Crested. She'd check up on those groups from time to time. The ANBU were the ones who needed her attention. And then she had to write up her report....and grab her pain killers from home.....and look over the book Liam had given her........and talk to the Kage about a couple rank changes for his Jonin and ANBU.............
and then find out when Felix's court date was going to be.......................and then......................................

(nice pauses.) (And I gasped in horror at that one line.)

Felix stopped. His blood was boiling. He was angry, he wanted to scream at her, maybe even knock some sense into her, but right now it wasn't an option. He turned back to his former student. "Because I what? Because I screwed up and fell for you for one single night? Because I got sick of you acting like you felt nothing for me. Because you like to push everyone away and I didn't want to deal with that. Yeah, go ahead and call me dirty, go ahead and think of me as the cold hearted man who slept with his former student in order to pull her from the battle that was tearing her apart. Say I was using you because I knew it was the only way this mission would get somewhere because if we'd had to spend a year together with how things were going then one of us wouldn't have made it. Yeah, I did it, what about it? You going to go running to Serenity and tell her how the father of her two kids are sleeping around with former students for his own personal benefits. You going to tell her how you didn't try and stop me or are you going to leave that part out? Either way it goes, you're just as guilty as I am." Felix has a smirk on his face. He didn't care that the nurses were standing around listening in on his dirty deeds. He didn't care that rumors would start spreading like wild fire. He just didn't care anymore because caring was overrated.

(Imagine Ser having walked in on this.)

(Thought you would. And lol.)(....AND I MADE YOU GASP?!?!)(Two more things, one, I remember that last line from a status of yours, and two, I would not be so cruel as to have Ser walk in on this.)

If there was one thing that Kana hadn't been expecting from Felix, it had been that. Anything else she would have expected, or at least half expected. But by the time Felix was finished, her face was a deep shade of crimson. Once again the need to cry was strong, but she refused to allow it to show. Her heart ached with the effort, but the only thing Kana allowed on her face was a bit of disbelief and anger. And if you looked close enough, a touch of hurt. She didn't know what to say. But she felt the need to hit him as well. But would that prove her a coward? At this point, she was almost beyond caring. But hitting him would likely end up causing him injury that would cause him to stay in the Rock longer. And there she'd been, ready to patch things up with him. Well fuck that.

Kana started at a walk, seemingly going to walk right past him without a word. But that changed when she got close enough to him. Her emotions took over and she turned, punching him in the gut with as much strength as she could muster. Too fucking bad if she broke something again. And hell, he'd been being kicked in the stomach by that one teacher earlier as it stood. One more hit shouldn't have hur....killed. The moment after she hit him, she started towards the exit of the hospital. The nurses could take care of his stupid ass. She could have done a lot worse. But already she was beating herself up over it. She pushed the thought from her mind. She had work to do, and a lot of it. But she knew that later on in the day, when she had nothing to do, this would come back to haunt her. To haunt her much worse than it would have if she dealt with it right now.


'Because you mean a lot more to me than I mean to you...'

Felix watched her walk towards him. The blow to his gut made him double over. Is that how she wanted to do things. Fine. Felix dropped to his knees as nurses rushed over. "Leave me alone'" he snapped. Neither listened as they got him up and to his room where he blacked out once more. Felix woke up restrained and on top of that the room was empty and two guards could be seen outside the door. Felix tried getting out of the restrains but they were tight and he didn't have the strength to break them. "If anyone needs restraining its her," he thought rather irritated. Felix sighed and waited for a nurse.

By the time Kana got home it was about five in the afternoon. Her mind had drifted off of what had happened earlier, as she'd gone about her mission. Things had gone relatively well. She'd stopped by the cafe to write up her report, after having retrieved her pain meds from the house of course, and ordered a tall coffee while there. She managed to talk to the Kage, albeit not for long. He seemed to be very busy, so she passed her message about the rank changes onto Kymin, who she found out had been put in temporarily as the ANBU Captain. She found out from Kymin when Felix's court date was as well.

And now she was back home. She'd planned to look over the book Liam gave her. Made several attempts actually. The problem was, her lack of concentration. After a while she gave up. It was about 5:30 now, and Kana was sitting on her bed, kunai and shuriken laying next to her, as she took them up with her left hand and threw them at her closed door. When ten seconds passed, she threw another one, each throw spurring on some random thought, each thought changing with each throw. So in the apartment, all one could hear every ten seconds was a 'thunk'ing sound on the other side of Kana's door. At this point, time didn't register in her mind. She ended up sitting there for hours, doing the same thing, only having to get up to pull her weapons out of the door every five minutes or so, sometimes more sometimes less, only to start the whole thing over again.

(Have him come home at whatever time you like. Just...don't make him try to talk to her yet. Or knock. None of that. Yet.)

Felix came home later in the day around 8ish. He was feeling better but with two punches to the gut every muscle in his stomach hurt like hell with the slightest of movements. He unlocked and opened the door, wondering if the cat was still here and then went for his room. He didn't even want to think about Kana, let alone see her. He closed his room door quietly and laid on the floor instead of his bed. His main priority was to get back in shape. He started with crunches first, which probably wasn't smart considering what had just happened, but his arms weren't ready for push ups.

'You're just not strong enough to be living among humans.' Thunk. 'Those who are strong enough are able to make relationships of any sort. You can't even do that.' Thunk. 'All you do is constantly push people away. You wanted to live your life alone didn't you?' Thunk. 'But it's different now that you're immortal, isn't it?' Thunk. 'You still push people away, but the only difference is now you'll be alone for an eternity. Not just a hundred years.' Thunk. 'And the one person who gave a damn about you, you pushed away too. And then you hurt him.' Thunk. 'You're just not good enough. Felix saw that, and walked away.' Thunk! With that last thought, Kana had thrown a kunai with more force than the previous times, accidentally making the tip of the kunai show through on the other side of the door. She'd taken her arm out of the sling earlier so that she could practice moving it again, but now it was just laying by her side as she sat on the bed. She'd been using her left hand to throw the weapons the whole time. Her face at this point was nothing short of upset. She'd tried to force herself to be cold about the situation, but couldn't do it. She hadn't even heard Felix come in, she was so wrapped up in her thoughts.

After that last kunai had been thrown, Kana couldn't bring herself to throw anymore. Instead, she felt a rush of emotions work their way to the surface, and she slid to the ground on the side of her bed, her back against the matress. She simply couldn't keep herself from crying. She pulled her knees to her chest and laid her head on them. She didn't remember the last time she'd cried so much, or so hard. But it was quiet crying, almost silent, but not quite. And her heart...her heart was aching something fierce. So much so that her left hand was clenched lightly over her chest as she cried. Her body was even trembling as she cried. She hadn't been so emotionally distressed since her parents had died, and she didn't feel that crying was helping it at all. If anything, she felt it was only making it worse, making her feel that much more weak for not being able to hold it in.

Felix continued with his sit ups. His body was killing him, but he didn't care. By the time he'd gotten to forty he was drenched in sweat. He dropped back to the floor and lay there breathing. When the blood stopped roaring in his ears he could hear....crying? Felix stood up. Was Kana okay? There had been some thunk, thunk, thunk sounds. But he figured she was just throwing stuff, but crying? Kana never cried. Felix left his room and started towards hers when he saw the kunai. He poked it. "Is that, a kunai?" His head turned slightly and tehn he slowly push the door open. "Kana?" And there she was, like a little kid, crying. Felix sighed. I always get stuck babysitting. He went over to her and sat next to her. "You okay?" He asked. He'd left some distance between them for two reasons. One, she wasn't about to hit him again, and two, he was drenched in sweat.

Kana hadn't heard the door open. Or, she had, she just couldn't bring herself to care. Her mind was being overwhelmed with every feeling, every thought of sadness that she'd forced back over the last fourteen years, all of it finally having rushed out as if someone had opened a floodgate. And now she just couldn't stop crying. When Felix sat next to her, she didn't even look at him. "Leave me alone!" was the only thing she could manage to choke out. In any other situation, she would have straightened up and denied that she'd been crying at all. But not now. Now she didn't care that he was here. Because now she was in too much pain. Both physically and emotionally.

Felix sighed as she told him to leave her alone. "I can't do that. Because if I leave you like this, and you never stop crying because all you needed was someone to be there, to understand, and I just up and walked away, I'd never get over it." He moved over so he was close enough to wrap his arms around her. He wasn't playing with her emotions today. He was there because she was his former student, because she was his friend, and he because he understood what she was feeling. When you didn't cry often and suddenly it all came crashing down on you, you weren't sure what to do or where to go. And if no one was there, you did irrational things.

Even hearing Felix saying that he wasn't going to leave did nothing to stop her crying. But the more she cried, the worst her chest ached. She barely even heard what he said. Something about leaving her there and never getting over it. 'You really screwed up this time, didn't you...' her inner voice told her. She thought what Felix meant was that he was still pissed off at her, and he'd never get over what she'd said. She'd been too busy crying to hear the whole of what he'd said. So when he wrapped his arms around her, she only felt worse about the situation. But at the same time, she did feel a bit of comfort. As sadly cliche as it was, Kana was just one of those people who wanted someone there with her, but didn't know how to handle people. The next moment was what really made her feel like a little kid. She turned slightly and buried her head in his shoulder, still unable to stop crying. She would have wrapped him in a hug, could she have moved both her arms. But instead she just stayed there against him, crying. She felt so pathetic. So weak. 'It hurts...it hurts...' Regardless of him holding her, she still felt that paining pressure in her chest, and it was spurring on her tears. She couldn't move her left hand from clutching at the area. "I-I-I'm s-so s-s-sorry F-Felix..." She didn't know why she'd said it. Hell, chances were she wouldn't even remember saying it. It had just....come out of nowhere.

Felix rubbed her back as she cried. When she laid her head on his shoulder he laid his head on her head. "I'm sorry too," he told her when she apologized. They'd both screwed up, in more way than one. Something things they'd meant, some they hadn't. But he couldn't stay mad at her for a lifetime. No, he wouldn't. Felix wanted to say more, but he didn't want to open that door. He didn't want to play with her emotions only to later have to shoot her down because he was with Serenity. Felix hated knowing he had to choose. If he could have them both, he would. Serenity because she'd came into his life and changed it for the better. Because she was kind and caring. Because she meant the world to him. Because she forgave him no matter how many flaws he had. And then there was Kana. The kid he'd trained to be the best and she'd become the best. She was the one that kept him on his toes. The one he could spend an eternity with because they could relate. Because she was so much like him. Because she was what he was looking for. Felix closed his eyes. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be just fine."

Kana kept her head buried in his shoulder. It felt odd having someone hold her. Not odd in a bad way, just...odd. She hadn't been hugged or held since she'd been ten years old. She kinda forgot what it felt like. Even so, her mind was too clouded for her to be able to appreciate it at the moment. Instead, she kept her head buried in his shoulder, trying to get her mind to calm itself back down enough to function properly. It worked to an extent. The pain in her chest started receding and her sobs started to become less and less. But that didn't stop the tears from coming. She felt terrible about this whole ordeal. 'Am I even fit to be an immortal...?' Maybe Felix had been right. Maybe saying that she wanted to be an immortal was stupid. Because the thing that had been on her mind at the time was avoiding Death. She never thought about the fact that she was no good with people. Never thought about the fact that she'd have to change herself to avoid being alone for an eternity. So what was her choice here? Death or being alone for an eternity? That didn't seem like much of a choice...

After a while, Kana's body stopped shaking from crying, but now she reduced to sniffling, trying not to break into a fresh fit of crying. She felt like she could have cried for hours had no one come in. Hell, she might have even gone to tell Kyla that she'd made a mistake in making her immortal. Maybe it was reckless. Maybe it was irrational. But if no one had come, its not like she would have cared.

Felix held her until she stopped crying like someone had just snatched away all that had meaning to her. Maybe someone had in a way. Felix didn't think much on it. Cautiously he released her and put distance between them so he could stand up. His blue eyes hidden behind his silver hair he wondered if she was really going to be okay. She hadn't answered him and it bother him. He needed her stable until he could get back on the mission. He rubbed his hand through his hair at the thought.

Despite having stopped crying, and despite that most of the pain had gone away, Kana felt like a piece of her had just been torn away after having cried like that. She didn't know what piece of her, or why it was gone, but she felt a bit...empty now. She started figuring after a few moments that it was just the aftermath of her breakdown, that it was really just her mind playing tricks. When Felix released her and got up, she couldn't help but try to wipe the remaining tears from her eyes. She'd just only realized, Felix had never actually seen her face when she was crying, because she'd always had her head buried. And she still didn't want him to see her crying, even though it wouldn't matter now. After sniffling once, Kana let out a small cough, but couldn't bring herself to look at Felix. "S-sorry...I-I'm fine n-now..." Another small sniffle and a pause. "Th-thanks Felix..." He couldn't possibly have any idea how much it was worth to her to have someone next to her like that. And perhaps he would never know.

Felix shook his head when she apologize then thanked him. He was momentarily not sure what to say. He couldn't say 'You would have done the same,' because he wasn't sure if she would have. He couldn't say 'No problem' because it was a problem. He'd just opened another door. It might not be visible, but it was there. Felix shook his head. "Goodnight." He left the room, closing the door behind him and went to the kitchen to feed the cat before retiring to his room and busying himself with push ups.

Kana wiped her eyes again and managed to look at him just as he walked out, saying goodnight. "G-goodnight," she said a bit quietly. Why were her emotions on a rampage lately? Cuz now she wanted to punch something. She'd let herself get caught up in a weakness she'd promised never to show again. But there may have been a bright side to this whole situation, right? She now knew that Felix was no longer mad at her. She didn't know if he'd forgiven her or not, but he wasn't mad at her, and that was good enough for her. And the fact that he was there for her like that had to mean that he cared about her at least a little bit, right...? She wasn't going to make assumptions on that one. Kana didn't even bother dressing into her pajamas before she shoved the remaining weapons off her bed and laid down, falling asleep after a few moments. All that crying had made her a bit tired...

Felix stopped at about fifty push ups before changing to sit ups and alternating from there on out until about midnight when he called it a night and took a shower and went to bed. The next morning he woke up feeling extremely sore. His muscles had deteriorated during the time he was in the hospital. Mentally he felt scrawny and weak, physically he looked about the same; give or take a few pounds. Getting out of bed he went to the "kitchen table and called his Captain. "Any news?" His Captain sighed on the other end. "A good morning is how most people greet one another, but I guess in this case, good mornings aren't exactly the highlight of our days, now are they? Anyway, you're in even deeper shit than before Kuriyama. I just got a report on my desk saying you assaulted a man from the Crested." Felix grinned. "I did no such thing. If anything, he assaulted me." Captain Izua shook his head on the other end. "Have you come up with a good reason as to why you need to stay?" Felix nodded. "Yes sir." "Good. I expect you home in four years." Felix smirked. "Understood, sir." Felix went to hang up the phone but his Captain started to speak again. "Felix, before you go," a pause, "The wolves howl to the moon at night, but during the day, they hunt." Felix's grin faded. "Understood, thank you, sir." Felix hung up.

Kana woke up rather late the next morning, to her own disappointment. The first thing she did was take a hot shower. Well, that was the second thing she did. The first thing she did was remove the bandages from around the slowly healing wound on her shoulder. It might have been a bit of a bad idea to take a shower with the bandages off, but Kana needed to wash the dried blood off anyways. To her great satisfaction, when the blood did wash off in the shower, it didn't look as bad as she thought it was. But it did sting like a bitch. The bite mark was closing up rather nicely, and it looked like soon enough she'd be able to get the stiches removed so it could heal on it's own. Unfortunately, the bite mark wasn't the reason she couldn't use that arm. It was the results that followed the bite. Shattered bone. That wasn't so easy to heal. The doctors had told her though, that it was healing up okay, and that she needed to move the arm a little bit now and then so that the muscles didn't stiffen up and become even harder to use. She didn't want that, not at all. So while in the shower, Kana tried moving it, only to cause a shockwave of pain to rack through the right side of her torso. She had to hold her breath for a few moments until the pain receded. Only to try it again with the same results. She washed herself off, keeping the soap clear of the wound, while trying to move her arm little bits at a time. Her shower lasted longer than usual because of this.

When she got out, she put fresh bandages on the bite, and cautiously got dressed. Putting her shirt on was no easy task, but somehow she managed. Not without pain, of course. After, she went to her room and grabbed her pain meds, popping two out and putting them in her mouth before going into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. "Mornin'," she said, with the pills between her teeth, before she took a drink of the water and swallowed it with the pills. Once the pain meds set in, she planned on trying to move her arm again. She no longer felt the need to wear it in the sling, so as she went around, it just hung beside her. She only remembered then that she needed to eat something with her medication, and yogurt wouldn't cut it this morning. So instead she pulled out a pan and the carton of eggs. Cooking with one hand....probably not the smartest idea ever, but she would manage. Right? She seemed to be showing little to no signs that the night before had even happened. Oh, she remembered it, and was damn ashamed of herself, but she wasn't about to mention it. In fact, she was feeling quite a bit better now.