Last Night of Freedom

Kinaga blinked at what Marius said. He couldn't really find it in himself to smile right now. "Well, I do have your phone. I mean...you had to call me some time to get it back, and since I'm not at the apartment..." he trailed off, leaving Marius to fill in the rest. "I'm at the docks. I can head back to the apartment and meet you there if you want," he said casually. This was painful. He needed to talk to Marius about what he'd found. He had to make sure the guy didn't worry about him. He couldn't let Marius worry about him so much. He had his own problems to worry about, and Kinaga didn't want himself to be one of them.

"I'm actually at the docks now," he said as he pulled himself to his feet. "I'll come find you, stay put." He hung up and looked around. Kinaga must have been on the other side. He hadn't heard a phone ring. He started walking until he spotted his friend. Marius walked towards him, sat on the bench in silence, and then hugged Kinaga, burying his face into his shoulder. Let him think it was over Tobias, maybe it was, but more importantly it was about seeing his best friend alive and not with half his brains splattered across a wall. The mental image was enough to make him gag. Marius didn't want to let go. "I'm sorry about earlier. I wasn't thinking straight." He wouldn't let the guy know he'd been right. "I'm really, really sorry." His voice was quiet, hoarse even. He still hadn't let go. What if the moment he did, Kinaga slipped between the cracks. He didn't think himself a good best friend anymore. Kinaga had been hurting, probably still was, and he hadn't noticed. "I'm so very sorry."

"Okay, sure. I'll stay put," he said, his voice light. When he hung up the phone, he gave a sigh. Jeez...how long could he keep this up? His eyes saddened a bit. He'd have to lie to Marius, again. His shoulders dropped. He had to pull himself together. If he didn't, Marius would see right through him. He had to keep his cool about this. He had to. Taking a breath, the blue haired male sat up, draping his arms casually over the back of the bench. He turned his gaze to the water. It was lapping softly against the docks.

When Marius came up and sat next to him, Kinaga gave him a smile. "Hey M-" He blinked. "Marius?" Why had the guy hugged onto him so suddenly? Why did he look so upset? Oh god, what had happened with Tobias? Kinaga wrapped his arms around Marius and held him there. He was apologizing about earlier? Kinaga felt like someone had just stabbed him. Had Marius thought that he'd..? He suddenly felt sick. This was all his fault. He should have hidden it better, not just...just put it inside the couch. He didn't have people over often, so he never thought better of it. Not until now. "Marius...what happened with Tobias?" he asked softly. He wanted Marius to think that he had no idea that he knew about the gun. And even if he did, he didn't want Marius to think that the gun was for...what it was really for.

Marius stayed put. When he felt Kinaga's embrace he welcomed it. He wouldn't cry. Nope. He was a grown ass man. So what if he was heartbroken? "I'm such trash," he replied in regards to Kinaga's question. "He sweet talked me into it. Made sure I was nice and desperate, toying with me until I couldn't stand it. I begged for it and he delivered, making sure to remind me what I could no longer have." Marius sounded defeated. "Stupid, stupid me." He pulled back from Kinaga and smiled, his ocean blue eyes glossy, but the smile was charming enough. "I enjoyed every bit of it." In the fading lights his hair looked almost orange, and he looked younger, fragile. He wouldn't breakdown. Not in front of Kinaga. He wanted to scream until his throat was raw, but he'd settle on way too much alcohol and a few good poundings from whatever horny guys he could find. He just had to hold it together until Kinaga called it a night. Sure, he'd go back to school and teach in the morning, but he was beginning to believe that laying down under someone was the closest thing he'd ever get to love again. That was okay too, because he was good at that. Everything would always be okay. He would always bounce back and make it through. Just so long as Kinaga didn't go and off himself. Marius shook his head. No, he couldn't afford to think like that. Kinaga was his best friend. If only he could help him somehow.

Now was not a good time to bring it up. That bastard Tobias had toyed with Marius again. He felt like shit over it, but...he couldn't even find it in himself to be angry about it. He'd tried to warn Marius. Kinaga had seen what type of guy Tobias was from the moment he'd dropped Marius. Too bad he hadn't seen it sooner. But Marius probably wouldn't have listened to him anyways. Blue eyes saddened a bit when he saw the way Marius looked while explaining what had happened. He pulled the pink haired male in for another hug. "Look, this isn't your fault. He's just an asshole, alright? He stole your heart, and then broke it. Even when he left you, he still had it, so it's only normal that you'd want to chase after him. Just...promise me you won't go after him again?" he asked, pulling back from Marius. "Please, I hate seeing you hurt like this."

Marius relished the hug. He leaned into Kinaga's chest, thankful for those gentle arms. He almost forgot his soreness. Kinaga words matched his hug and Marius buried his face into the others chest. He swallowed back the first reply that came to mind. 'It didn't hurt too much.' "I can't promise that," he said quietly. "I'd do it again if I could. What do I have to lose. I mean, it's all I was good at before him, and now I can't get my life together after him. I think...I think I just..." He trailed off, shutting himself up. He needed to just shut up. That's what he needed. He remained silent, shaking his head lightly.

Kinaga fell silent. Marius couldn't promise that. Well...he'd try to stop him again if he could. Though he doubted he'd be able to. He'd even tried to physically hold Marius back earlier and it hadn't worked. Kinaga wouldn't hurt him trying to get him to stay. "Marius...before he came back, you were doing better. You were getting your life together. You're better than this," he said with a frown. "You're better than him," he said, trying not to let his shoulders fall. What was the point of trying to talk Marius out of this? Kinaga swallowed down the lump in his throat. He needed to tell Marius before he lost his nerve. He took a deep breath. "Marius, there's...something we need to talk about, though," he said finally. "I know you found my gun. It's not for what you think it's for, I promise," he said lightly, his blue eyes gentle on the other male. They'd get nowhere if he just kept trying to convince Marius not to go after Tobias. Might as well change the subject...god he was such a horrible friend...

"But he knows that he's all I want. He left that stupid note too." He sounded almost distressed at this point. "I don't think I've ever had my life together," he argued. "I'm a nympho for Christ's sake. The sad part is, I could live without it, but why would I possibly want to? Everyone gets something out of it." He shook his head, his fingers tangled in his hair. "All I've got going for me is you and my job. That's more than enough, but I want to fill that gaping hole in my heart. I want to be loved again. I want to feel whole again." Marius was already looking pale, but if he could get paler, the moment occurred when Kinaga spoke about the gun. He felt his lunch making it's way up his throat. He rubbed his wrists, seemingly distracted. "I don't know what you're talking about...I didn't know your owned a gun. Why would you need one? You're the most non violent person I know." He was only irritating the skin more, but so be it. He suddenly felt tired. Kinaga said it wasn't for that certain purpose, but why else would he need it?

"Note..? What note," Kinaga asked with a frown. If Tobias left a note, it was probably to mess with Marius again. That guy...how horrible could he be? He left Marius for a whole year, didn't even look at him in the street, and then came back like nothing had happened? It took either serious balls or a serious sociopath to do something like that. Kinaga was opting for the latter. Maybe he should find Tobias and talk to the guy. Though he doubted much would come of it. Tobias would probably kick his ass and then laugh about it. "You don't need him to be loved, Mar. He's not the only one capable of loving you, ya know?"

He saw how Marius reacted to his statement. "Please don't act like you didn't find it. I never move it, and it wasn't where I left it," he told the pink haired male, a small frown on his face. Kinaga gave a small sigh. "Look, before I met you, me and Shisu lived in that house." Oh god, he was using her name in a lie to Marius. What the fuck was wrong with him? "Someone broke into the house while we were inside it. I..." He stopped to take a breath. "I...I'd never felt so powerless to protect her before, I just...I bought it on impulse the next day." The sad thing was, not all of this was a lie. Just the part about buying the gun. He'd talked to Shisu about getting one in case it happened again, but she'd talked him out of it. "She, uh...she wanted me to get rid of it at first, but then told me that it could stay in the house, but I had to-" Kinaga stopped, feeling himself getting choked up. "I h-had to get rid of it when w-we had kids," he said, looking off to the side. Jesus, why was he lying like this? To Marius it would probably just seem like he was getting choked up about Shisu, but...but he was using her name in a lie. "I just...I-I never ended up getting rid of it," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking of to the side. He was such scum. He was the worst. How could he lie to Marius like this? How could he use Shisu's name in his horrible lie? Why couldn't he just tell Marius? "I was going to move it because I didn't want it to scare you, but then I found it gone, and...well, you're the only one that's been in my house in a long time," he told the pink haired male, glancing at him. "I thought about why you might have taken it, and...I swear, it's not for that." He gave Marius a small smile. "Despite...hav-having lost her, my life's not all that terrible right now. I don't want you to give it back to me, but I didn't want you to worry, either."

"I know." He didn't sound convinced, just empty and beaten. "He told me that when I'm ready to fall apart again, he'll be back to put me back together." He looked a bit bitter, like someone had stuffed his face with lemons. "I'm getting real tired of this." His voice cracked and he fell silent again. He just wanted to go home, but Kinaga had brought up the gun and there was just no avoiding it. He wished he'd have shot Tobias with it, right in the kneecap. He didn't want to kill him, but he wanted to make him hurt. He listened to Kinaga's story, reaching out and holding his friend's hand as he got choked up. When Kinaga was through, he shook his head. "I'm sorry I thought you'd do something like that...I was...worried, really worried. I just didn't want to take the risk. You're my best friend and you mean the world to me and I know it's super selfish, but you help be keep my shit together when everything starts to fall apart. I never tell you how much I truly appreciate you and all you've done for me, so yeah, I panicked a little....a lot." He had big dove eyes as he looked up to Kinaga. He would gave given the gun back and broken down at home, but Kinaga spared him additional suffering. "No more worrying, minus the general stuff," he promised. He gave a half smile. "We're going to be okay, right?" He was still holding Kinaga's hand like a woman trying to comfort her best friend.

God...he was such a terrible friend. He couldn't stop thinking it. An easy fix to this would probably be to find Tobias and talk to the guy, convince him to leave Marius the hell alone, but...Kinaga didn't have any hope that something like that would work. Tobias wasn't the kind of guy who could be convinced easily. Kinaga had learned that from all the times he'd hung out with him and Marius. The blue haired male was honestly glad that Marius had taken his hand. It made him feel worse, but at the same time...it didn't. At least he knew that Marius was there for him, even if he wasn't always there for the pink haired male. "It's alright," he said lightly. "Honestly, if I'd have found a random gun in your apartment, I might have feared the same thing," he admitted. He would have. And he would have been terrified of losing Marius too. He just didn't want Marius to keep going back to Tobias. He was afraid the guy would push Marius too far and Marius would just lose it. He smiled softly when his friend told him that he helped him keep his shit together when it all fell apart. "No more worrying," he agreed. "Just...do me a favor and get rid of the thing when you get home," he asked. He didn't care how, he just didn't want to know that Marius had it. At some point, Marius would probably do something stupid with it. The guy was far more impulsive than he was. "Of course we are. We're going to be fine," he said lightly, holding onto Marius' hand as well. They'd be okay...well...Marius would be. Kinaga would...have to find a way to live with himself for a while longer.

Marius didn't think he'd ever contemplated suicide. After he and Tobias split, he'd been lonely, afraid, upset, the usual when you're suddenly left behind after four years. He'd cried. He'd hit things. He'd gotten drunk. Cried some more, but death really hadn't been an option. He was too much of a chicken. If he'd ever had a gun, he'd probably have gone hunting for Tobias. Hmm...He had a gun. Best to get rid of it. He'd heed Kinaga's advice this once. "Sure thing, I'll get rid of it." The pink haired male sighed, shoulders relaxing. After the trauma and drama, he was feeling awfully exhausted. "The sunset is nice," he murmured. He leaned against Kinaga. "Let's watch it set fully then go back to your place." Marius wasn't sleeping in that apartment tonight. He'd stay at the school and order takeout. Maybe he should move, it was a good start to recovery. He couldn't let Tobias continue to intoxicate his life. Maybe dating would be healthy, even if they weren't the one, maybe it would help. "You know...that new biology teacher is pretty hot," he murmured. "Wonder if he's into guys?" He chuckled lightly. He was really lucky to have Kinaga.

"Thank you," Kinaga said, a bit of relief in his voice. He didn't know what Marius could or would do with the gun, but he had a few ideas. One of them involved Tobias, and he didn't want Marius to do anything he'd regret. He nodded lightly when Marius said the sunset was nice. "Yeah, sure thing," he said lightly, wrapping an arm casually around Marius so that the guy could more easily lean against him. Kinaga was starting to understand what Marius' idea of a best friend was, at least a little bit. It wasn't so bad, but he wasn't sure he'd be sleeping with the guy any time soon. He'd already lied to Marius and hurt him enough. He didn't have to go that far with it. Kinaga glanced to the pink haired male and chuckled when he started wondering aloud about the biology teacher. "I could always ask him for you," he joked. They'd probably go through this every time Marius had an interest in someone. Kinaga really wouldn't mind going up to a guy and asking them for Marius.

"Of course you'd ask," he said with a light smile. "I don't think he's into guys though and it'd be weird being with a co-worker. Maybe I'll marry a doctor instead. Yeah, someone that doesn't mind getting his hands dirty. Not just a doctor, a surgeon." Marius could dream. He snuggled against Kinaga. "Unless of course you marry me." He smiled up at his friend. Marius was happy. He was torn up and broken, but he was still holding it together and that was enough reason to be happy, to live.

"Of course I would," Kinaga repeated with a nod. "I guess it would be a little bit. Jaymaru is already uncomfortable with you just flirting with me," he snickered. "If you were actually with a co-worker I think she'd move to another school entirely," he laughed. "A doctor, huh? I'll keep an eye out for someone like that for ya," he said with a nod. This was...kinda nice. After all that drama, it was nice and peaceful to just sit and watch the sky change colors. Blue eyes blinked when Marius said that was, unless he married him. Kinaga couldn't help but give a small chuckle. "Sorry Mar, I'm not really the marrying type anymore," he chuckled. He immediately realized his mistake. There was no way to cover that up, so instead he followed it up with a sly quip. "Besides, didn't you say it would be weird to be with a co-worker? I mean, I'm not even a doctor. I'm just some boring teacher with a fascination for archaeology," he joked with a chuckle.

"You're a cute boring teacher," he said with a smile. He could live with Kinaga not wanting him. It didn't hurt that badly. His eyes glowed in the light, ocean blue eyes reflecting the water. "Hey, I'm sorry about last night," apologized. "I didn't mean to push Serena off on you. It was very irresponsible and unfair of me. She's a good person and all, but I understand you're not ready." It was healthy to get out, but neither of them needed to be pushed. They didn't deserve to be hurt again before they were ready. He wondered if Kinaga would ever wish to find someone to make him happy. There were people out there that would love him like Shishu, but probably not to fill the hole. Never to fill that hole, at least not completely.

Kinaga laughed lightly. "Thanks Mar." Sure, he was a cute boring teacher. He could live with that. Blue eyes blinked slowly when Marius apologized about the night before. God he was an asshole, what that girl must have thought about him. She'd just met him and the moment Marius had left, he'd gone off on a drinking spree. He held back a sigh. "Don't worry about it," he told his friend lightly, ruffling Marius' already messed up hair. "It's been three years," he said quietly, leaning back on the bench. "You'd think I'd at least be able to have a casual drink with a girl by now." But no. No, he couldn't. He was afraid of losing Shisu to more than just death. He didn't want to forget her, or how he'd loved her. His eyes nearly started tearing up and he looked away from Marius. Jesus, he was pathetic.

Marius didn't really care too much for being treated gently, but in that moment he was thankful for it. A smile graced his features as his hair was ruffled. "Whoever said time heals all wounds needs to be dug up and slapped," he murmured. "There's no time limit on things like that." He looked up at his friend. "Take all the time you need." Kinaga said he was fine, that he wasn't thinking of taking his own life, but that didn't mean Marius would just stop worrying about him. He couldn't just not care. Sure, there wasn't much he could do, but he could be there for support. He could be the friend that listened and helped whatever he could, when he could. Funny how all this had occurred in a span of two days. It wasn't really funny. It was cruel. Life was cruel and unfair, and it felt like they were knee deep in misery, but they were here. They were making it through the days. They were surviving. Marius closed his eyes. If all else failed, then what more could they possibly do? They'd put up the good fight. That's what counted, right?

Kinaga laughed lightly when Marius said that the person who coined the phrase needed to be dug up and slapped. That was pretty funny. "Nah, let the guy stay underground. We'll see how well his wounds heal down there," he joked. Too morbid. Oh well. Not all his jokes had to be comedy gold. His blue eyes shined lightly in the light of the setting sun when Marius told him to take all the time he needed. The time he'd be ready to see anyone else would probably be around the same time he died. It wasn't at all appealing to him to try to love someone else. When the pink haired male closed his eyes, Kinaga turned his gaze to the water in front of them. It was beautiful. He hadn't realized it until he saw movement far away to his right. There was a kid sitting on the back of one of the benches with his feet on the seat of the bench. He had a large drawing pad in his hands and he was casually coloring it. The kid was tall, and had red hair. And he looked a bit familiar. Was he a student?

Marius smirked, his eyes still shut. "Fine, fine, let 'em rest." Marius couldn't take it anymore. Whatever force had caused him to wake up was no longer at play. He couldn't stay away. He relaxed against Kinaga, slipping into a light slumber. He would easily wake up if prodded a bit, but he couldn't keep his eyes open. He was wore out. Strands of pink hair fell into his face, but he was undisturbed. He didn't even know Kinaga was staring at some kid. Like he cared. Marius didn't like kids. Why the Hell had he become a teacher? Probably because he had nothing else to do. Probably because he was good at it. What did it matter? That's right, it didn't.

Kinaga blinked when the red haired boy turned his head and looked at him. Kinaga looked back curiously, but then the kid returned his gaze to his drawing pad as if he hadn't even seen him sitting there. There was very little expression to be seen on the boy's face, especially from this distance, but the kid looked almost bored. Kinaga almost felt bad for him. He wondered if the kid liked drawing, and if he did, why did he look so bored about doing it? Oh well. Blue eyes looked down to Marius, blinking when he saw the guy was out like a light. He shook his head lightly, waiting for the sun to fall completely behind the horizon before moving or speaking. "Hey Marius," he said lightly. "C'mon, let's head to my house. You can spend the night again," he said, softly nudging the pink haired male, brushing the loose strands out of the other's face after he did.

Ocean blue eyes were drowsy as he fought off sleep. He sat up. He was bone tired. He wanted to call out of work for a few days, but that would be ridiculous. He looked at Kinaga, blinking a few times so that the blurry image began to clear. "I don't want to intrude and I don't have clothes for work," he said past a yarn. "I'll walk with you to your place and then head home, no big deal." He rubbed at his eyes before standing up. He spotted a kid, but didn't think much of it. Marius gingerly scratched his side and then slipped his hands into his sweatshirt. It had pockets but no hoodie.

"We'll stop by your place and pick up some clothes," Kinaga offered with a smile, before looking off to the side, a bit embarrassed. "I, uh...don't...I'm not really comfortable with the idea of you staying there alone tonight," he told Marius lightly, scratching the back of his head and looking thoroughly embarrassed. He stood up when his best friend did, but kept his eyes averted. Yeah, he knew Marius would probably swoon over that stupid comment, but it was true. What if Tobias came looking for Marius again? He knew it was unlikely for him to come looking for Marius twice in one day, especially after that stupid note saying that he'd pretty much wait for Marius to break again, but...Kinaga couldn't help but feeling nervous. Marius was his best friend, he didn't want to put the guy in danger.

That helped Marius wake up. Kinaga was concerned for his safety. He looked embarrassed himself now. He looked out over the darkened water. "I'll stay at the school tonight," he offered. "Besides, my place is a mess. We'll be there all night if your OCD kicks in." He smiled lightly. He was trying not to defend Tobias by telling Kinaga the guy wouldn't hurt him. Not physically anyways. He thought about how sore and battered he was. Not intentionally anyways. Best to just keep quiet. Besides, it was nice knowing that Kinaga cared enough to actually say it aloud. The guy had made him blush. It was a rosy color that covered his cheeks. He smiled. "You're really sweet."

Kinaga frowned lightly at Marius' response and glanced at him, concern obvious in his eyes. "Do you have clothes at the school?" he asked. If Marius had clothes at the school, then that was fine. He knew Tobias wouldn't go to the school. The guy had some decency to him. Besides, there were other teachers who lived at the school who would hear if there was a dispute. Kinaga didn't argue about the whole 'OCD' thing. He didn't really have OCD, but he wasn't going to tell Marius he constantly cleaned his apartment to keep his depression at bay. "I'm just worried is all," Kinaga said lightly when Marius said he was really sweet. He glanced at the other male. "What's wrong with your wrists?" Marius had never had a tick or problem where he would wring his wrists when he was nervous, but he'd been doing so tonight. Kinaga knew that Marius had said he'd given into Tobias, but...had the guy hurt Marius? He wasn't sure if that was a thing Marius was into or not, but he wanted to make sure it wasn't against his will.